Give it up for Juan Piquer Simon. Not only did the Spanish director bestow upon the horror world one of the craziest and memorable slashers of all time, Pieces (1983), he also found it within himself to give us Slugs (1988). Not quite as crazy as Pieces (but almost as good), Slugs trades heavily in the J.P. Simon business: a whole lot of weird, a nuclear ton of energy, and gore galore. If you only see one badly dubbed mollusk monster movie, filled with heavy pettin’ and (literally) explosive action, you would be wise to choose Slugs.
I cherish a good giallo film. For those unfamiliar with this sub-genre, it’s like a slasher, but with an emphasis on police procedure and a dash of Italian Vogue. (Not to mention the ubiquitous gloved killer.) Starting in the mid ‘60s, they revved up the violence, leading to the watershed of Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971), where Mario Bava singlehandedly invented the “body count” that transferred across the water and led us to Haddonfield and Camp Crystal Lake.
But some gialli still let their freak flags fly, bringing us to The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave (1971), a film that blends bodies, bodices, castles, the supernatural, possible gas lighting, nudity, and triple crosses into an overflowing bath of ideas that is a lot of fun to splash around in. Not all the water stays in the tub, but there’s still plenty enough for a good soak.
Do you have a recurring nightmare? Mine is the oh-so passé “being chased”. It’s always the same; hunted relentlessly by an unknown assailant, helplessly fleeing from a certain doom. Of course, I wake up in a puddle of sweat, crying out for mommy, as one will do. The fear of cutthroat pursuit is at the center of Nightmare City (1980), Umberto Lenzi’s take on the then resurgent zombie sub-genre. And while you won’t wake up screaming after seeing it, you might end up covered in a sticky sweet glaze of WTF. The Italians don’t make their horror in half measures; I’m pretty sure Nightmare City throws in the whole cup.
It’s Hammer Time again! Every once in a while I like to dip back to that golden age, where the revered monsters of yore were dusted off with loving care for a newly appreciative crowd of teenagers at the Drive-In. Building upon the worldwide success of The Curse of Frankenstein (1957), Horror of Dracula (’58), and The Mummy (’59), it was time for another Drac attack. The Brides of Dracula (1960) keeps up the high level horror, as long as you’re okay with a Dracula movie having no Dracula. Looking back on the whole series, Brides stands out (and up) due to this very omission.
Harmony is an ideal. If everyone just got along, the world could be one big campfire sing-along, a Coke commercial writ large, right? But unfortunately that’s not human nature; certainly not as it pertains to our fellow earthly citizens, or to the globe itself. The ‘70s saw the rise of the eco horror film; “Mother Nature’s back, and she’s pissed” practically emblazoned across posters from the likes of Frogs (1972), Phase IV (1974), and Day of the Animals (1977). Australia threw their hat in the ring at the tail end of the cycle with Long Weekend (1979), a fascinating look at environmental and personal disharmony.
Michael Caine had an interesting run of genre flicks starting in the late ‘70s. The Swarm (1978) was laughed off the screen, Dressed to Kill (1980) was enjoyed by audiences and critics alike, and The Hand (1981) dropped his batting average once again. Nestled in between all those was The Island (1980), a killer pirate movie from the author of Jaws and directed by the man behind The Bad News Bears. What could go wrong? Well, everything, according to most folk. It’s an odd one to be sure, but the wild tonal shifts that prevent the ship from staying on a clear course make it a fascinating treasure that gets better with each viewing.
If you are new to the works of Italian horror maestro Dario Argento, Phenomena (1985) is as good a place as any to start. It practically plays like a ‘greatest hits’ of all his virtues, and more than a few of his vices. And for the Argento veteran, it’s a gas for those very same reasons – by combining so many elements from his other films he’s created his most bizarre feature to date – no mean feat. When I need five alarm Dario, I throw on Phenomena.
As the ‘60s gave way to the ‘70s, vampires on film were stuck in a rut of crumbling castles and cotton candy cobwebs. It was time for an update; to rid the screen of the stagecoaches and street lamps. It was time for Count Yorga, Vampire (1970), a fun little romp brought into the modern age by a world class turn from Robert Quarry as the titular bloodsucker.
At the turn of the ‘80s, Jamie Lee Curtis was THE face of horror; by this point she had already starred in Halloween (1978), and cemented her position with three releases in 1980 alone – The Fog in February, Prom Night in July, and today’s title, Terror Train, in October. It was a banner year for her, and for horror fans alike – well, apart from that snoozy school picture. Terror Train was a great way to end her 1980, and a fitting way to cap off 2016, as it’s a – ta da! – New Year’s Eve movie. Climb aboard for a fun, surprisingly classy ride.
’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land
Mommy and Santa, were getting on grand.
This threw little Harry, into such a tizzy
He grew up demented; delusional, dizzy.
What appears on the page is not always what appears on the screen. The screenwriter has most times defined what he/she hopes to see translated, but that’s not always the case (and when it isn’t, it’s usually for the worse). However, sometimes a film will morph from the pen to the multiplex in a post-faithful state that exceeds expectations. One such film is The Pit (1981), a Canadian made, US lensed flick that started out as a psychological breakdown of a delusional little boy, and ended up in B Movie Heaven, where it is personally fanned and fed grapes by Ed Wood and William Castle on a daily basis. There’s no other film quite like it.
I Drink Your Blood (1970) is as old as I am. Unlike me, however, it shows very little wear and tear; a loud and proud exploitation horror diorama from an age when all boundaries of good taste and reason were pushed to the breaking point. If you only have room in your life for one rabies-infested satanic hippies movie, make it I Drink Your Blood.
Cynicism isn’t hard to come by in the horror genre; any Italian cannibal or home invasion flick will satiate your desire for an outlook on man’s worst transgressions. Conversely, it’s even harder to find a film with such a buoyant feel that is at odds with the terror on display. Well, folks, may I present to you The Boogens (1981), an endearing charmer of a subterranean monster movie. By the time it’s over, you may want to give it a big old hug.
When the mood strikes, there’s nothing better than an Atomic Age Monster Movie (B Division). Glorious black & white, damsels in distress, iron willed heroes and rubberized villains never fail to hit all the pleasure centers. The Monster that Challenged the World (1957) is one such film, and better made than most of the era. As the tagline says, “A New Kind of Terror to Numb the Nerves!” Well, you may just feel a tingle, but it’s a blast nevertheless.
Without question, being a stepparent can be rough. It’s a balancing act between wanting what’s best for the child, and the need to ingratiate oneself and hopefully, earn and obtain love. This is a tightrope that Jerry Blake (Terry O’Quinn) has no interest in walking – if he can’t implement his perfect family plan, he switches policies in the most violent way possible. Welcome to the world of The Stepfather (1987), a pretty good thriller elevated to classic status due to a legendary performance by O’Quinn.