The horrors of HOAs extend beyond sneaky fees and harsh regulations in William Bagley’s Hold the Fort. His suburban siege thriller pits buttoned-up community members against hordes of monsters brought forward by a Hellmouth. It’s sillier than, say, a supernatural version of Assault on Precinct 13, as Bagley favors residential yucks over frights. Enemies spawn at random as witches, werewolves, and “kamikaze bats” bash down doors and shatter windows, but overall quality is restricted by low-budget constraints. Don’t expect Cabin in the Woods’ elevator scene, which is proficient in its monster-mashing abilities. More of a creature-of-the-week television show that has no choice but to let the seams show.
Cityboy Lucas (Chris Mayers) and his hipster-presenting wife Jenny (Haley Leary) are the latest residents of the copy-and-paste housing development Gruber Hills. HOA President Jerry (Julian Smith) gives them a warm welcome, with an invitation to their evening Equinox celebration. In an ominous tone, Jerry sells the party by saying, “It’s to die for!” Lucas and Jenny think nothing of the awkward interaction, but they should have read the fine print in their contract. Gruber Hills is built on land with an opening to Hell, and once a year, everyone must hold down Fort Gruber and fight off an onslaught of creatures who threaten their premium mortgage rates.
Bagley and co-writer Scott Hawkins key into an appropriately foolish but entertaining housing market commentary in Hold the Fort. Neighbors like IBS sufferer Ted (Levi Burdick) and moonshine maker Annette (Michelle L Lamb) see their demonic defense duties as a fair tradeoff for affordable property values. Jokes satirically prod at the obnoxious oversight of stuck-up HOA boards given Jerry’s neurotic and dorky presentation, and the ridiculous notion of putting ourselves in harm’s way for livable housing conditions without exorbitant prices. Then again, if you’ve recently paid rent in New York City or Los Angeles, the whole annual Hellmouth pest control schtick doesn’t sound that bad.
Even better, Bagley strives to offer a variety of opponents like a Todd & The Book of Pure Evil grab bag. Witches on broomsticks, kung-fu-possessed zombies, and the urban legend “Stick Man” keep us on our toes as the night progresses. Lucas and Jenny bumble their way through learning the ropes as you’d expect—Lucas is useless with a shotgun, and Jenny’s drunk and overzealously courageous—but their incredulousness at every new foe ensures Hold the Fort remains enjoyably lighthearted. Bagley’s playing with familiar tropes of stuffy suburban idyllics, Hamid-Reza Benjamin Thompson’s crackshot action hero McScruffy, and noted horror mythologies, but the film’s goofball tone exudes a loosey-goosey charm. Dumb fun is still fun, which works here.
However, Hold the Fort is hardly a polished survival flick. Practical blood effects shoot liquids out of cannons, but there’s a good amount of digital visuals that are doing their best [pats on back]. Whether it’s hags blasting green bolts or the purple poofs of defeated batties, VFX struggle to match the carnage on set. Or, staying practical, the sole werewolf that appears flaunts this Halloween costume cheapness, if only to fulfill the promise of a head-to-toe getup. Hold the Fort is scrappy and resourceful, yet clearly struggles at times to achieve certain effects-heavy visions on a shoestring budget. There’s plenty worth applause, and gorehounds will be smiling, but there’s no denying Bagley’s production is rough around the edges to a fault at times.
Still, Hold the Fort is a proud independent slaughterhouse flick that never takes itself too seriously. You’re here for the embarrassing one-liners (complimentary), dimwitted batten-down-the-hatches combat, and humorous takes on the horrific nature of housing in the United States. Bagley’s midnighter compares to something like 2023’s Here for Blood or 2017’s The Monster Project, in the way available funds don’t detract from lockdown chills or monster excitement. Sure, Hold the Fort is unserious, slapstick, and often corny as heck, but when it counts, you’ll be delighted by the violent attacks and cheesy zingers that would make Bruce Campbell grin.
Movie Score: 3/5