From Crystal Lake Publishing, Jasper Bark's Stuck On You and Other Prime Cuts is now available worldwide in bookstores and online and we've been provided with one of the collection's short stories, "Taking the Piss" (a truly haunting revenge tale), to share with Daily Dead readers. Also included in our latest round-up are Blu-ray release details and cover art for Troma's The Toxic Avenger: Part II and Class Of Nuke ’Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown, as well as details on an upcoming auction of film props from make-up effects mastermind Rick Baker.
Stuck On You and Other Prime Cuts: "A word of caution gentle reader, these tales will take you places you’ve never been before and may never dare revisit. They’ll whisper truths so twisted you can only face them in the darkest hours of the night. They’ll unlock desires so decadent you’ll never wash their taint from your flesh.
All it takes is a single turn of the page and your taste in dark fiction will be transformed forever. So you have to ask yourself: ‘How daring do I feel...?’"
"About Jasper Bark
Jasper Bark finds writing author biographies and talking about himself in the third person faintly embarrassing. Telling you that he’s an award winning author of four cult novels including the highly acclaimed ‘Way of the Barefoot Zombie’, just sounds like boasting. Then he has to mention that he’s written 12 children’s books and hundreds of comics and graphic novels and he wants to just curl up. He cringes when he has to reveal that his work has been translated into five different languages and is used in schools throughout the UK to help improve literacy, or that he was awarded the This Is Horror Award for his last anthology ‘Dead Air’. Maybe he’s too British, or maybe he just needs a good enema, but he’s glad this bio is now over."
To learn more about, Jasper Bark's new short story collection, visit:
TAKING THE PISS
By Jasper Bark
So I’m taking a slash in the King’s Arms. The two blokes either side of me finish up then leave as I’m shaking the last drops off. I’m all alone.
I check the door, then crouch down in front of the urinal. It’s one of those big stainless steel jobs, with a long trough at the bottom. I get right up close to the sluice, where all the piss runs, and I whisper, “Danny, I know you can hear me.”
I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not touched or nothing. I just hate Danny Taylor. He’s always been a nasty streak of piss. One of those useless thugs whose lips have been glued to a crack pipe since they were fifteen.
Danny didn’t have no dad around when he grew up see. That’s cos his dad Charlie topped himself. Walked into his garage one night and started up his prize BMW. He loved that car more than his family. There was only one person Charlie loved as much as his car and that was Charlene, his bit on the side. But Charlene got tired of his shit and left him.
So Charlie got tired of life. He started up the engine and instead of getting a hose and sitting in the front seat, he went round the back of the car and put his mouth straight over the exhaust. Like he was blowing his prize possession. The pipe was so hot it melted his lips, fused them to the exhaust. He was a terrible colour when they found him several hours later. His lips glued to the pipe.
Charlene didn’t go to the funeral, but she wore black for a week as a mark of respect. She’s nice like that is Charlene. She just can’t take men too seriously. That’s why she can’t stay committed to one. They’ve never been there for her so why should she be there for them. That’s what she told me when she dumped me.
I fucked her for a while after Charlie died. Nothing serious, but I had a lot of fun and I was sorry when it ended. I was in her kitchen when she told me. She was wearing this long baggy top, not one of her usual tight, low-cut jumpers.
Maybe she was trying to make herself look less attractive so she could get rid of me. Or maybe she was hiding something. I don’t know. But nine months later Stevie was born. Terrible shame about that kid, terrible shame.
The stench of the urinal brings me back from the memories. “Danny,” I say. “No one can hear you mate, they think it’s just the pipes.”
I know a lot about the pipes in the King’s Arms. I did a job for the landlord a few months back. The urinal was playing up. The sluice was backed up and the piss was spilling out of the trough onto the customer’s shoes. So he got me to look at it.
Turns out there’s a little crawlspace right behind the wall where the urinal hangs. That’s where all the pipes are. I had to go through the yard at the back and knock through the outside wall to get to it, so I could clear the blockage.
Only two feet wide it was. Working in there reminded me of being in solitary. I did a bit of bird when I was a youngster, for fighting mainly. Thumped a guard when I was inside and ended up in the hole. Wasn’t too different from that crawlspace, except it smelled better, even with all the dead rats.
That was the funny thing about the crawlspace. I think it was something to do with the air circulation or whatever, but all the rats were perfectly preserved, like mummies. Some of them must’ve been there for decades as well, but not one of them stunk.
I cleaned them all out when I cleaned out the sluice pipe. You wouldn’t believe the shit I found in there. Great clumps of slimy pubes and other stuff you can’t imagine, like a glass eye and a tiny baby doll’s arm. No shit, a baby doll’s arm, don’t ask me how that got there.
I look at the sluice at the end of the trough and try to imagine how it would fit through the little round grate. “You shouldn’t have done that to Stevie,” I say. “You realise that don’t you, Danny?”
Danny had persecuted Stevie his whole life. Maybe because of who Stevie’s mother was. Or maybe because of the way he was born. He wasn’t like other kids. His left arm was stunted and never grew. It remained the size of a baby’s arm. Plus he had this weird lazy eye that used to go all over the place when you were talking to him. Made it difficult to look him in the face. It also made him a target for little cunts like Danny Taylor.I tried to help him when I could but there’s not a lot you can do when it’s kiddie violence. If you cuff them round the ear you’re likely to end up back in stir these days. Plus I wasn’t around that much. All the same I did feel a bit responsible. Like I said, Stevie was born about nine months after me and Charlene split up, and even though Charlene had a lot of fellers, I’ve always had my suspicions.
The whole thing between Danny and Stevie came to a head about a week after I’d finished the job at the King’s Arms. Stevie walked into the men’s room and saw Danny at the urinal. He must have been scared, but fair play to him, he stepped up right next to Danny.
I’m not certain exactly what happened next. Maybe it was Stevie’s arm, or maybe he’d had a few and couldn’t handle it. Perhaps it was his sense of humour, but he ends up pissing all over Danny’s shoes.
Danny was having none of that. So he took Stevie round the back of the King’s Arms and did a number on him. Dragged him outside by his little arm. Stevie was howling with the pain as Danny damn near wrenched it off. Then he punched Stevie to the ground and started kicking him. Stevie lay there crying and saying sorry but Danny wouldn’t listen.He kicked all of Stevie’s front teeth out. Then he put his foot so hard into the back of Stevie’s head that his lazy eyeball popped out.
While Stevie lay there on the ground, in a pool of his own blood and piss, screaming for his mother, Danny stamped on the eyeball. Laughed as it popped open under his Nikes and ground it into the tarmac. When he was done, he pulled out his cock and pissed into Stevie’s open eye socket. Then he went back inside and finished his pint. It was an hour before someone thought to call an ambulance.
The police asked around a bit afterwards, but no one round here talks to them and their heart wasn’t in it. My heart was. I can feel it pounding as I crouch next to the urinal.
“You didn’t think I’d let you get away with it did you, Danny?” I whisper. “There are some things you just can’t walk away from.”
He did think he’d walked away from it though, and he bragged about it to anyone who’d listen. I heard him one night down the King’s Arms. Standing at the bar he was, proud as fucking punch, telling everyone how Stevie had it coming. “Taking the piss he was,” that’s what Danny said. Can you believe that? He reckoned Stevie was ‘taking the piss’.
So I went home and got a hammer, a chisel and some super glue. Then I waited for Danny to leave the pub. Caught him on his way home. He was full of beer and soft as shit. Putting him down was a piece of piss, I’m not a defenceless wee lad like Stevie.
Then I went to work with the hammer and chisel. Not like you’re thinking. I did take out Danny’s front teeth, but that was later. First I went at those bricks I’d laid in the pub’s outside wall. Shame really, I’d done a bang up job on them, but I made good when I was done and you’d never know I opened that crawlspace again.
That’s where I left Danny, lying on his side with his wrists and ankles bound. That’s where I used the superglue.
“You know what Danny?” I whisper, keeping an eye on the door in case someone comes in. “I read somewhere that the human body can survive for up to two months if it has a regular supply of liquids.”
I picture him lying there, just like his dad, with his lips glued to a pipe. But unlike his dad he’ll take a long time to die. Cos Danny’s lips aren’t glued to an exhaust pipe, they’re glued to the sluice pipe from the urinal.
“Taking the piss, Danny, that’s what you said about little Stevie, do you remember? But now you know what it’s really like to ‘take the piss’.”
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Troma Blu-rays: Due out on April 14th from Troma Entertainment is The Toxic Avenger: Part II Blu-ray / DVD and the Class Of Nuke 'Em High II: Subhumanoid Meltdown Blu-ray:
The Toxic Avenger: Part II (directed by Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman):
"Toxie's mean, green, and back on the screen! Melvin Junko was a nerdy 98lb weakling until he fell into a vat of toxic waste, turning him into the first ever superhuman superhero from New Jersey. This time the hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength takes on Tokyo. The Toxic Avenger Part II is a spectacular sequel with even more ingenious special effects, even more bizarre action, and even more unbelievably famous fight scenes. He's come a long way from Tromaville, baby!"
Special Features:
Also included in the special features is a fresh introduction by director Lloyd Kaufman.
Class Of Nuke 'Em High II: Subhumanoid Meltdown (directed by Eric Louzil and Donald G. Jackson):
"First there was the super successful, now classic, theatrical smash hit and breakthrough blockbuster CLASS OF NUKE EM HIGH! Now, there comes the riotous sci-fi, hyper-action, big budget, ambitious sequellian comedy, Troma's CLASS OF NUKE EM HIGH PART II: SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN! Those lovable cretins from CLASS OF NUKE EM HIGH! have graduated Summa Cum Weirdly and the once peaceful town of Tromaville is about to explode with a wave of sci-fi and special effects induced SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN! Welcome to the Tromaville Institute of Technology, where a melt-down prone nuclear power-plant creates a hideously deformed but very positive thinking humongous mutant squirrels and obnoxious talking belly buttons with bad attitudes. In this incredibly bold adventure in gene-splicing, anarchy and terror rule the campus of Tromaville Tech as the students join forces with the subhumanoids to overthrow the insidious and hedonistic corporate slime responsible for a wave of malicious mutant meltdowns and massacres. Will peace and environmental hygiene ever be restored to the once-peaceful town of Tromaville? Find out as you enroll for the education of a lifetime in CLASS OF NUKE EM HIGH PART II: SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN!"
Special Features:
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Rick Baker's Film Props Auction: Press Release - "A complete Mikey Alien costume display from Men In Black and a number of original Gremlins puppets are set to feature in an exclusive no reserve live auction of original treasures direct from the Rick Baker archive. The auction will be held at the Hilton – Universal City in Los Angeles and on Propstore.com on 29 May 2015.
Prop Store is pleased to present an exclusive auction of 417 original treasures from over 50 productions, spanning Baker’s 30 year career. All items have been acquired direct from Baker's legendary Cinovation studio, material never before offered to market with a pre-sale estimated total value of $746,100.
Collectors and fans can bid at no reserve for historic material from productions including An American Werewolf in London, Planet of the Apes, Batman & Robin, Batman Forever, Hellboy, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Men in Black II and Mighty Joe Young.
Baker is responsible for creating effects for the 1988 Michael Jackson: Moonwalker film and the 1983 Thriller music video and items from both will feature in the live auction.
Items going under the hammer include pieces from Gremlins 2: The New Batch, featuring a number of principal Gremlin and Mogwai puppets including Lenny, Daffy, George and Mohawk. With an estimated value of at least $40,000.00, a Full-Size Alien Edgar Bug Animatronic Character created for the original Men in Black film is one of the highest valued lots in the auction.
Brandon Alinger, Prop Store COO, said: “We are delighted to offer a no reserve live auction of over 400 items direct from Rick Baker’s Cinovation studio to the public. Baker’s career needs no introduction and it’s been an honor to work with him to prepare this sale, which spans his 30+ years in the business. The Rick Baker auction is an exciting opportunity for collectors and fans of the make-up artist to have a chance to take home some of the brilliant creations from their favorite films.”
Items included in the no reserve auction:
• Frosty (Joe Sabatino) Frozen Thug Statue, Batman & Robin
• Animatronic Bat Puppet, Batman Forever
• Simba R/C Head and Remote, Gorillas In The Mist
• Complete Ape Display, Greystoke: The Legend Of Tarzan, Lord Of The Apes
• Harry Head, Hands, Feet and Muscle Suit, Harry and the Hendersons
• Grinch (Jim Carrey) Santa Costume Display, How The Grinch Stole Christmas
• Full-Size Alien Edgar Bug Animatronic Character, Men In Black
• Mikey (John Alexander) Costume Display, Men In Black
• Oversized Worm Guy Animatronic Insert Puppet, Men In Black II & Hammerhead Alien Figure, Men In Black II
• Hero Joe (John Alexander) R/C Animatronic Head , Mighty Joe Young
The auction will take place from 11am Pacific Standard Time on 29 May 2015 at the Hilton - Universal City, Los Angeles, USA.
Bid can be made in person, via telephone or online via the Prop Store website at www.propstore.com/auction
About Prop Store
Prop Store sells original movie memorabilia, with over 7,500 items available for sale on www.propstore.com.
Operating since 1998, Prop Store founder Stephen Lane’s love for movies led him to begin hunting for the same props and costumes that were used to create his favourite films. He found that he could not only provide collectors with access to their most coveted pieces, but also establish archival standards for a new, pop-culture hybrid of fine art and memorabilia collecting – prop art. Prop Store handles prop disposal, sale, archive and auction services to production companies and distributors as well as fixed price item sale on its website."
Raised on a steady diet of R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps books and Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Derek has been fascinated with fear since he first saw ForeverWare being used on an episode of Eerie, Indiana.
When he’s not writing about horror as the Senior News Reporter for Daily Dead, Derek can be found daydreaming about the Santa Carla Boardwalk from The Lost Boys or reading Stephen King and Brian Keene novels.
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